


(til death) do us part

by ashley_in_the_know



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cultural Differences, F/M, Marriage of Convenience, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 03:30:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15721071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashley_in_the_know/pseuds/ashley_in_the_know
Summary: Fjord and Jester have a secret. Like, a really, really big one. But it's also not a big deal, technically. But it's something that everyone else should probably know. Just in case.





	(til death) do us part

“Okay, so there is something  _super_ important that Fjord and I have to tell you before we enter the Menagerie Coast,” Jester starts. She’s gathered everyone together in Caleb’s magic bubble, and all eyes are trained on them. Fjord is very uncomfortable, she can tell, because he literally isn’t looking at  _anyone_. “And, well, the reason we left it to the very last minute is that it’s pretty awkward, and Fjord  _really_ doesn’t like to talk about it.”

Beau and Nott share a knowing look, and Caleb actually looks fairly alarmed. Jester takes a deep breath before she continues.

“Okay, so technically Fjord and I have been married for the entire time that you’ve known us, technically.”

Everyone’s reactions are pretty much what she expected. Beau’s jaw drops, and she swears loudly, looking kind of offended. Caleb goes very still, his alarm not going away. He also swears, but very, very quietly. Nott is making  _a lot_ of unnecessary noise, frankly. And Caduceus is just nodding to himself, like it’s not something that he ever considered, but now that he knows, isn’t all that shocking.

“Okay, there’s a lot to fucking unpack here,” Beau says, once Nott has settled down. “Like how the two of you  _got married_ after knowing each other for like, a day or two? And why the fuck you haven’t mentioned it before now.”

Jester shrugs. “We never mentioned it because it wasn’t all that important,” she says. “Not outside of the Menagerie Coast, anyway.”

“As for  _why_ we got married in the first place,” Fjord says, still staring at the ground like he’s hoping it will swallow him whole, “that’s kind of a long fuckin’ story.”

“Basically, we were probably about to be arrested and put in jail for a  _really_ long time, so we went to hide in a temple,” Jester explains. “And then we had to explain why we were in the temple so late at night, and Fjord kind of...panicked. And now we’re married.”

“So, if it was just a thing of convenience,” Caleb says slowly, “why did you stay married this entire time? Why not just get a divorce?”

“Uh, ‘cause we can’t,” Fjord says, scratching the back of his head. “Not on the Coast.”

“What, really?” Beau asks.

Jester sighs. “Yeah, so here’s the thing, marriage is, like,  _super duper_ sacred on the Menagerie Coast. Like, once you get married, you are literally married until one of you dies. Divorce is literally not an option. It is super old fashioned, and really, really weird, honestly.”

“I mean, it’s kinda romantic,” Fjord says softly. “If you think about it. Like, when you meet a couple that’s been married for a real long time...that’s somethin’ special, y’know?”

“Well, yeah,” Jester says. “But, also like 99 percent of the murders that happen outside of, like, the really big cities are committed by people who are just sick of being married, you know?”

“That is phenomenally fucked up,” Beau says. “But this is also the funniest fucking thing I’ve heard in my entire life.”

“The Traveler does think it’s  _really_ funny,” Jester says with a grin.

“Yup, it’s a real barrel of pixies,” Fjord mutters.

“So, is this going to affect anything with our travels?” Nott asks. “Is it going to cause us any trouble?”

“It shouldn’t,” Jester says after a moment of consideration. “Really, Fjord and I just have to make sure we’re always wearing these special rings, and we’re going to have to bunk together in inns, that’s about it.” She gasps quietly, remembering something. “Also, maybe don’t let it slip that we haven’t technically consummated anything. That’s  _really_ important.”

“Yep, that about covers it,” Fjord says quickly. “Any other questions ‘fore I go die of embarrassment?”

Most everyone shakes their heads, but Caduceus raises his hand slowly. “Do we have to buy you a wedding present? Because I’m kind of running low on funds.” The sly grin that crawls across his face makes Jester giggle, breaking the tension.

Everyone disperses to their bedrolls after that, Fjord and Caduceus leaving the bubble to take first watch for the night. Nott and Beau set up on either side of Jester, and she recognizes gossip mode when she sees it.

“So, you and Fjord are fuckin’ married,” Beau marvels. “I honestly can’t believe you’ve kept it a secret for this long.”

Jester shrugs. “Fjord  _really_ doesn’t like to talk about it,” she explains. “I think he feels bad, you know? Like, he maybe sort of feels like he forced me into something that I didn’t want to do.” She shrugs again. “I’ve tried to tell him not to worry so much about it. I wouldn’t have done it if it were a super big deal or something.”

Nott inhales sharply, and she shakes Jester’s arm. “What is your  _mother_ going to say when she finds out?” she asks. “Ooh, or does she already know?”

Jester shakes her head frantically. “Oh no, my mother is  _never_ going to find out about this. Like ever,” she says. “It would make her so super sad, you guys.”

“Is she, like, super opposed to marriage?” Beau asks.

“Just the opposite, actually,” Jester says. “She super believes in the sacredness of all of it. That’s why it was such a big deal that she was going to marry my dad, you know? Because it’s so important to her. And I really, really don’t want to disappoint her, you guys.”

“I mean, I’m sure she’d prefer this to you being locked up in jail,” Beau reasons.

“Yeah, I guess, maybe,” Jester says. “But just in case, don’t bring it up, okay?”

“Okay,” Nott agrees, and Beau nods too.

“Oh! And will you also both promise not to tease Fjord about this too much?” she asks. “I know it seems silly, but it really does bother him, you know?”

“Alright, fine,” Beau says begrudgingly. “I still think it’s really fuckin’ funny.”

After they’ve both fallen asleep, Jester pulls out her sketchbook and begins to draw. She starts with a pretty great doodle of Beau’s eyes bugging out of her head, and Nott with her jaw on the ground. And then, remembering Fjords words from before, she draws the two of them, but as super old versions of themselves, sitting in rocking chairs, doing old people things.

She feels a warmth in her chest, hears a familiar chuckle in the back of her mind. “I know,” she says quietly. “Super wishful thinking, right?”

When Fjord wakes her a few hours later for her watch, he stops her from leaving right away. He pulls a thin gold band out of his pack and slips it onto her finger. “I know it ain’t really your style, but I figured we should do this now ‘fore we forget,” he says.

She takes his ring out of the haversack and puts it on him, admiring the gold against the green of his skin. They’re simple, really, but they carry a heavy enchantment. They won’t be able to pass into the Menagerie Coast without them on.

He keeps her hand in his for a minute longer, sighs heavily. “I know you’ve told me about a million times to stop apologizing for this, but I really am sorry,” he says. “But, I’m also sorry for how I’ve acted about being married to you, ‘specially since it was my doin’. Truth be told, Jes, there’s no one I can think of that I’d rather be married to.”

Her heart flutters hopefully in her chest. “It really doesn’t bother me, Fjord, I promise,” she says, kissing him on the cheek. “And, for the record, if I have to be bound to someone for the rest of my life, I’m pretty glad that it’s you.”

She’s pretty sure that he blushes at that, but she doesn’t tease him about it like she normally would. She gets up, goes to join Caleb outside of the dome. “Sweet dreams, Fjord.”

(He makes sure she’s out of earshot before whispering, “Only if you’re in ‘em.”)


End file.
